What if the Fish & Boat Commission Took Over the Management of Hunting and Trapping?
This week our outdoor columnist studies his “tea leaves” and predicts what hunting might be like if it were controlled by the Fish and Boat Commission.
In light of Representative Bruce Smith’s Resolution 15, which was approved by the State House on February 11, it might be good to consider what hunting and trapping might be like if they were controlled by the Pennsylvania Fish & Boat Commission.
The Fish and Boat Commission and agency employees would bring their own philosophies and style to the arena of game management. While I admit that the tea leaves have yet to totally settle in the bottom of my cup, I see some big changes in store for hunters and trappers. After studying past and present PFBC practices and philosophies, here is my tongue-in-cheek view of what might happen if we managed game using the fish-and-boat thinking.
2004 – The newly merged Fish and Game Commissions, under the direction of Peter Colangelo (with Dennis Guise at his side), set out to tackle the problems facing the new agency. Using all of the lessons that they have learned from managing fish, the commissioners decide that a massive and very costly stocking program should be undertaken to increase license sales.
What are deemed to be “game lands of lesser value” are sold (Hey, who needs habitat anyway?) to finance the construction of pheasant and grouse hatcheries all across the state. Special white stocking trucks, nicknamed the “Great White Fleet,” are purchased to distribute the pen-raised birds. The birds are used on a put-and-take basis, with foxes, hawks and owls getting most of the take.
The stocking program grows as increasing numbers of birds are raised and released. A new program, called Pheasant Coops, gets sportsmen’s clubs into pheasant raising and still more birds are stocked. In a cost-cutting measure, the former PGC food & cover crews are reduced to one small department with five employees. (Hey, who needs improved habitat, anyway?)
The raising and stocking of turkeys, snowshoe hares, deer, beavers and other animals is undertaken. Hunters and trappers are conditioned to think that all animals come from white trucks. The trapping license is eliminated, but all beaver trappers must now wear Type V “personal flotation devices.”
Biologists at the Penn State Deer Research Center discover a genetic freak deer with a hot pink-colored fur. Wildlife managers of the new combined agency jump on this like teenagers on a steaming pepperoni pizza. The new pink deer, nicknamed “palomino deer,” are bred and raised along with trophy bucks in the new deer factories. All deer are stocked near parking lots or bridges on the night before the opening day.
A study shows that stocking trophy bucks costs the commission 1.2 million dollars annually, but increases license sales by $2,400. The practice continues. “After all,” they reason, “Where would we get big-racked bucks if we didn’t raise them?”
Stocking costs escalate. A new pheasant stamp, costing hunters $10, is proposed and passed. The new stamp only pays for 31 percent of the massive pheasant hatchery program. Claiming poor management practices, Chairman of the House Game and Fisheries Committee Rep. Bruce Smith asks Colangelo and Guise to resign.
2010 – In a moment of great forward thought, the Commission sets forth a bold new plan called Operation Future. All wildlife habitats across the state will be systematically studied and classified. Demonstrating the IQ of a cucumber, the president of the Unified Hunters of Pennsylvania calls the plan “Operation Failure.” The UHP campaigns for no doe hunting and increased stocking.
Wild pheasants and grouse are actually discovered breeding in isolated pockets of habitat. To protect these special populations, this “Class A” habitat is managed under “normal” statewide regulations and harvest. A list of all of these special places is published on the Internet.
Turkey regulations are changed to allow “chumming” with cracked corn. Hunting over chummed areas is permitted, but hunters are limited to two guns each.
Due to pressure from certain user groups, 15 percent of the remaining game lands will be anointed as “Heritage Game Lands” HGL regulations will allow only “primitive” weapons, such as in-line muzzleloaders with scopes, crossbows, and compound bows with sights and mechanical releases. This will preserve the rich heritage of primitive hunting and give the participants the feeling that they have stepped back 150 years into the past … well, sort of.
Based on the success of their trout program, another 15 percent of game lands will be regulated as Delayed Harvest Areas. Catch & release trapping will be permitted with box traps only. Hunting and dog training will be allowed earlier on these areas, but only blank ammunition may be used until January 15, when regular harvest will be permitted, but with a reduced bag limit.
All other game lands will be divided up into special programs such as: All Tackle Trophy Turkey, The Big Muskrat Program, and the ever-popular Miscellaneous Special Regulations. Please consult your hunting and trapping digest for details.
In the future, pheasants will be stocked based on a complicated formula including the number of birds already present, the length & width of the property, how many parking spaces are available, and how many hunters complain to their elected officials. Areas near parking lots will be stocked with the most birds. This will concentrate the hunters and provide a better outdoor experience for all.
2015 – Increasing mountains of pheasant and grouse manure accumulate outside the game farms, causing health concerns. The Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Protection warns and then fines the commission for not addressing their smelly piles of poop. In a heated exchange, the president of Pheasants Unlimited likens the current pheasant hatcheries to chicken farms. One chicken farm, … err, I mean state hatchery, near Carlisle is forced to close, but nobody watches the poop at the Pheasant Coops.
Stocking is reduced by 25 percent as license sales drop. Claiming poor management practices, Chairman of the House Game and Fisheries Committee Rep. Bruce Smith again asks Colangelo and Guise to resign.
Declining sales of pheasant stamps and hunting licenses stimulate the combined commission to hold Pheasant Summit 2020 – a gathering of about 100 pheasant hunting enthusiasts from around the state. It should be no surprise that members of Pheasants Unlimited make up a large portion of those in attendance.
Hunters at Pheasant Summit 2020 overwhelmingly support stocking fewer but larger and wilder pheasants. At their next meeting, the commissioners vote to stock more but smaller domesticated birds. “This should keep the hunters happy,” they reason. The executive director remarks, “We know that dense populations of pen-raised animals are necessary to sell licenses.” At some later date it will be shown that hindsight is always 20-20.
Mark Nale can be reached at MarkAngler@aol.com
