Tyrone speech team to celebrate birthday of Santa Claus

At 8:15 a.m. this morning, four members of Tyrone High’s speech team celebrated the birthday of Santa Claus by performing a 16-line poem entitled “Santa Claus! Santa Claus! You Are Much Too Fat” for all Tyrone students, over the school’s public address system.
Senior Russell Beck and freshman Ryan Bressler introduced the 16-line poem by reminding students that December 6 historically marks the birthday of a man Christened Saint Nicholas. As the years passed, Saint Nicholas became the patron saint of children and of gift giving.
Beck and Bressler informed students that according to slightly sketchy records, Saint Nicholas was born in Turkey on December 6 more than 1,700 years ago. In Belgium, Germany, the Netherlands, Switzerland and other countries, December 6 has become a holiday for school students.
Beck and Bressler further reminded Tyrone students that in these countries, Saint Nicholas came to be nicknamed Father Christmas. Eventually in America, the Patron Saint Nicholas or Father Christmas evolved into Santa Claus.
Once Beck and Bressler finished their birthday biography of Saint Nicholas, speech team sophomores Matthew Murray and Andrew Clark took to the telephone microphones in the main office to perform this comic novelty poem, energized by the rhythm of “Jingle Bells”:
I heard a reindeer hood, then Santa dressed in red,
Came crashing through the roof and landed on my bed.
I thought it was a dream, but quickly did I wake,
As soon as I heard Santa scream – “I want a piece of cake!”
He got up off the floor and said “How do you do?”
I said, “My back is sore, my head is black and blue!”
“So sorry!” he replied, and then he asked my name.
He offered me a ride, I said, “No thank you just the same!”
I heard a “ho, ho, ho” the sleigh was in the sky,
But it was moving slow and wasn’t very high.
It wobbled in the air, I hoped it wouldn’t fall;
Said Santa, chewing cookies, “Merry Christmas, one and all!”
Oh! Santa Claus, Santa Claus, you are much too fat;
I was sleeping peacefully, but now my bed is flat.
Oh! Santa Claus, Santa Claus, how much do you weigh?
I’m glad I’m not a reindeer, that has to pull your sleigh!
Ninth grade English teacher Richard Merryman, coach of Tyrone’s 94-year-old speech team, made this observation about the team’s Saint Nicholas birthday celebration, “Although this performance by the speech team at first may appear frivolous, we believe that it achieves several valuable educational goals: first, it reminds students that Santa Claus had a basis in actual history, second, it teaches speakers to alter their voice expression between narration and conversation in the poem, and third, it trains speakers to adopt voice rhythms from famous Christmas carols for their poetic performances.”